How to Order an Egg Sandwich
Ben Vitale
 

I always dread ordering an Egg Sandwich at one of the local delicatessens. The cook needs to be spoken to in a language that is relevant to her; however the customer is forced to deal with this proprietary language of the trade, when he picks up his sandwiches. The more sandwiches that you order the more potential trouble the customer can get into.

OK… You’re in a crowded Deli and you place your order with the person behind the counter. “I need two Egg Sandwiches; the first sandwich is with no seeds, ham, turkey and cheese, on egg whites, with salt, pepper and ketchup. The second sandwich is with seeds, easy over, with ham, cheese, salt, pepper, and ketchup.”

The clerk delivers a sheet of paper with the ingredients that you want on your sandwiches, to the cook. When the order is complete, the sandwiches are given back to the clerk with the same piece of paper that lists the ingredients.

So… with 15 people in this store; “to whom do these sandwiches belong to?” The clerk is now holding two sandwiches and an ingredient list. In a crowded store, the only way to determine the owner is to recite the ingredient list! Now here is the part that makes my heart beat faster! The clerk starts his narration: “Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, scrambled, turkey, ham, no seeds, with seeds, swiss!” OMG! I thought it was my order but I did not order the swiss! My heart is now beating at 120 beats per minute; I wouldn’t want anyone to know how stupid I am! My brain simply can’t  process anything that fast! LOL

OK… The clerk once again appears, and starts his ritual; scrambled, no seeds, cheese, ham, turkey, salt, pepper, ketchup, egg whites, ham, cheese, with seeds, salt, ketchup, pepper. OMG it sounds like my order! “Yesss…” with the grace of God I was able to identify my sandwich without looking stupid! LOL

Last Sunday I went to the Deli with a Plan! “Yesss a plan!” I walked up to the clerk and said, “this order is for Ben.” The clerk looked at me with a facial expression, as if to say “why is this guy giving me his name?”

OK! When the order was complete the clerk recited his ritual but this time only said the word, “Ben;” I lit up like a Christmas tree! I smiled, the clerk smiled as if to say, “Wow asking for a name might just work better than reciting an ingredients list!” LOL. I smiled for three days! LOL Let’s see if the clerk asks me for my name next Sunday, when I order my egg sandwiches! LOL

Epilogue: I went back to the same deli because their Sandwiches are the best on the planet! While waiting for my order I paid attention to what other people were ordering. One person ordered scrambled and bacon times 3; another ordered ham and cheese times 2. Hum… I guess I was not too smart after all; everyone else around me figured out a way to beat the system! LOL. Oh yes… They did not ask me for my name when I placed my order! LOL. “Great fun” at the “deli!” LOL

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