Men I am on Your Side! LOL!

Someone sent this to me and I have no idea who wrote this article! If you know who wrote it; kindly post his name in the comments column!

"The Guy Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" on purpose.



1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Rugby, Sport, Cars,
or Golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -to give them a bigger laugh"

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We Have Seen Crime Increase in our area!

 

I have been doing research and have determined that the criminals we have recently encountered do not live in our midst as they did 25 years ago; the criminals do indeed live outside of Patchogue Village! This is actually good news because transient crime is easier to control than resident criminals that are in our area 24/7.

IF YOU ARE CONCERNED WITH CRIME TRENDS IN OUR HOME TOWN, PLEASE ATTENT THE 5TH PRECINCT COMMUNITY MEETING AND LET OUR POLICE DEPARTMENT KNOW ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS AND ISSUES!  

This month's Fifth Precinct Open Community Meeting is scheduled for Wednesday, January 14, 2015 at 7:00 PM at the Patchogue Medford Public Library.  The meeting is a forum for community residents to interact with members of the Fifth Precinct and discuss issues and / or recent crime trends within their communities.

See you at the meeting!

MANW

The squeaky wheel gets the attention of our PD! OK fellow residents, start squeaking! LOL!

 

MANW

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Criminals Claim to be from the Brookhaven Town Assessors Office
MANW

Supervisor Ed Romaine, warns residents of Brookhaven town to be aware of a scam. 

Please click the link below!

http://patch.com/new-york/patchogue/brookhaven-town-issues-fraud-alert-0?utm_source=article-mostrecent&utm_medium=rss&utm_term=around%20town&utm_campaign=recirc&utm_content=aol


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Patchogue Robber Arrested

Ben Vitale

 

On Dec 18, 2014, the Long Island Advanced reported that the person who robbed a credit card, from a woman who was going to her car, after using the ATM Machine at the Capital One Bank in Patchogue, was arrested. The actual robbery took place about a week earlier!

I was very surprised that the LI Advance was the only Newspaper that had reported the arrest of the criminal! I was wondering if this report was actually true so I contacted the Village of Patchogue trustee Lorie Devlin, and Mayor Paul Pontieri, to see if the perpetrator was actually arrested!

Both Paul Pontieri and Lorie Devlin reported that the perpetrator, Jonathan Kreppein from Shirley, was indeed arrested.

As a result of recent crimes in Patchogue, Mayor Paul Pontieri had meetings with Legislator Calarco, and Inspector Mojica, commanding officer of our Fifth Precinct, on Waverly Avenue. A plan was put in place that should minimize crime in our area. As a result of this meeting the Police Department will be providing an increased presence in Patchogue.

Paul Pontieri also asked the Inspector to do a risk assessment on the core downtown area, and advise as to where we need to improve lighting, and remove bushes or shrubs. The Risk Assessment would indeed include other recommendations. Inspector Mojica is committed to keeping our Community safe.

Our Public Safety officers will also be showing an enhanced presence in our village shopping areas. The “eyes and ears” of the police department is not limited to our Public Safety Officers. Each and every one of us should be watching for suspicious behavior, and actually report suspicious occurrences. If you see a crime in progress, call 911 immediately. If you see suspicious activity that may be in violation of any Patchogue Village Code, call Public Safety, at “475 Christmas,” 631 475 1225.

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 Secret of the Most Beautiful Christmas Tree Discovered
Ben Vitale



Photo Credit: Ben Vitale



Photo Credit: Ben Vitale

For decades I have had the honor of having the most beautiful Christmas tree, right in my own living room. I have the honor of having the most beautiful Christmas tree every year because of my wife’s expertise in the art of selecting Christmas trees. The trees that my wife has selected through the years were always perfect; at least “I thought so!” I must admit that I have not paid attention to certain small details in the past. I was not fully cognoscente of the fact that a “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree can be made to look like the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center, in NYC, with a little bit of help! Yes Marie does have an aptitude for selecting beautiful Christmas trees, but I did not realize that she gave the trees a bit of Tender Loving Care; just like the TLC a women gets when she goes to her Beautician! LOL!

 

Well folks I just can’t remove the smile from my face since I found the evidence beneath my Christmas Tree! This year I did indeed pay attention to the small details and discovered a pair of Garden Clippers, under our Christmas tree! Marie cut off the long scraggly "Charlie Brown” Christmas tree branches so that our Christmas tree now looks like a perfect triangle! Yes it is as pretty as the one in Rockefeller Center! LOL!

OK… Our tree was indeed beautiful when we purchased it and Marie made it look even better. “Breathtaking!” LOL! Yesss! Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa “to all and to all Good Night!”

Please read the article that was published on Patch a few years back in order to bring a new perspective to this article. http://patch.com/new-york/patchogue/bp--the-most-beautiful-christmas-tree-on-long-island

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Report from the Maple Avenue Neighborhood Watch

Dec. 10, 2014

I attended the December, Fifth Precinct Open Community Meeting, which was held at the Patchogue Medford Library, on Main Street, in Patchogue, on Dec. 10, 2014, to get some information about recent crime issues in Patchogue Village. I was concerned about the most recent assault on an off duty New York City Police Officer, on Jennings Avenue; hoping that they did not represent a trend in our village.

Aristides Mojica, Commanding Officer of the Fifth Precinct, in Patchogue, NY, told me that every community can expect to have some crime. In the case of the most recent crime where a police officer was assaulted by a criminal on Jennings Avenue; the perpetrator was not a local resident, nor was he someone who came to Patchogue to patronize one of our Clubs. The perpetrator was arrested and is currently in jail. I have also received comprehensive information from Lorie Devlin, Patchogue Village Trustee.

I feel safe to say that we are not in the midst of a new crime wave; and that crime in our village is comparable to the most low crime municipalities on Long Island…  Thank God!

MANW

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Santa is now on the Internet Directly from the North Pole!

Ben Vitale

I’m so excited! I have discovered that I still believe in Santa Clause! Yesssss! Over Five million people have discovered Santa’s new “Reindeer Cam” site on the Internet! You must look carefully because Santa only appears on Camera with his Reindeer, at specific times! Santa feeds the Reindeer three times a day; look at the “FAQ” tab for the schedule! I have not seen Santa’s Sled yet; I guess that his elves are still working on it, in preparation for his long journey on Christmas Eve! Yessssss.

You might want to have Santa actually send a letter to your child; just fill out the form along with Five dollars for postage! LOL!

Im so excited; I believe my Christmas season has actually began because I looked at Santa’s North Pole “Reindeer Cam.” I believe that I have actually heard Alvin the Chipmunk talking to me directly from the North Pole! Wow! LOL! Yessssss! How cool is that?

There is also a Facebook link on this site where you can read wonderful comments made by other people that are also looking at Santa and his reindeer!  

OK! I’m sure that your children would really love to see Santa’s Reindeer and Santa! Be sure to get posted on Santa’s “Nice List!” Yesssssssss! Yo! Ho! Ho! “Merry Christmas to all; and to all good night!”

Please click the link below to see Santa! LOL!

http://reindeercam.com/

Please forward this link to your Grandchildren!

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Members of the Maple Avenue Neighborhood Watch, Patchogue, NY.

 

 

The next "5th Pct Open Community Meeting" will be held on December 10, 2014 at 7:00 p.m., at the Patchogue - Medford Library, Main Street, Patchogue, NY.

The "Fifth Precinct Open Community Meeting," is a forum to discuss problems that you may be having in your neighborhood.  If you are having any local issues, be sure to attend this meeting.

You do not have to belong to or represent any organized civic association to attend this meeting. Please tell your neighbors about this meeting!

 

MANW

 

 

 

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You Know You Are in Trouble at the Office When 
Ben Vitale

 

A friend of mine and her coworkers have for decades discussed in a facetious way, the logistics of how management expedites on its employees!  The name of a very popular game that management often plays is called “Workspace Polo!” LOL! The office or workspace that you enjoy could easily be taken away from you by some anonymous manager.

As departmental budgets continue to be cut, the chances of losing a major part of your work space increase exponentially! For many decades, my friend and her coworkers vocally fantasized in a humorous way, the possibility of management stealing their workspace! Here’s how the scenario was visualized! You are at work, and three stone faced men walk into your office or work area, and do not acknowledge the fact that you are there.  One person has a Clip Board and a Pen; the other two men have a Tape Measure, and they start taking measurements of your room.

One thing you can depend on is that company management does expedite on subordinates that they know little or nothing about. The trick is to initiate a “work space confiscation,” in such a way as to not be responsible for the outcome! Here is how this task is implemented! Management targets a 5000 square foot facility that they know little or nothing about! The target space is usually part of some subsidiary that is located on “another planet!” LOL! The occupants of the 5000 square foot facility are evicted and given a 1000 square feet room.  So...  What to do? Ok! The only answer is to throw out thousands of dollars’ worth of valuable parts and equipment into the trash can. The logistics of putting 5000 square feet of equipment and parts into a 1000 square foot room is usually pawned off to a part time, summer employee that is making $7.50 an hour with no benefits. After the summer is over the “part time summer employee” disappears from the payroll, and becomes the person who will be directly blamed for any repercussions of the workspace confiscation. LOL! “What did he throw out!” “Who told him to throw out our Fork Lift?” LOL! Who said that there was no such thing as the perfect crime! LOL!

Recently, management was looking for Real Estate that they could re-deploy. After many years of joking around about management stealing her workspace “it happened!” LOL! My friend was sitting at her desk one sunny Monday morning, drinking her coffee, when three people quietly walked into her work area and said absolutely nothing. The three people paid absolutely no attention to the fact that my friend was sitting at her desk; she was essentially demoted to the stature of a Pot Belly Stove, on a hot summer day. LOL!

My friend suddenly started to smile, and said to herself! “OMG!” It is actually happening!” “Yesss; It is really happening!” LOL! As tears started to roll from her eyes she just leaned back in his chair and started to laugh! “Yep,” They are really going to steal my workspace! LOL! And Yes… The stone faced administrative zombies just kept measuring her room! LOL!

So what is the outcome?  Thousands of dollars of parts, and equipment vaporize, and disappears in the compacting dumpster. Productivity of the original occupant of the 5000 Square foot workspace goes down by 80%, and someone from management gets a large pay raise for a job well done!  LOL!

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

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The Jar of Life Demonstration
Ben Vitale

Many people have viewed segments of what appears to be a video of a college physics experiment on the Internet, but few have seen the surprise that is presented at the very end of the video!  Various presentations of this same demonstration can be found throughout the Internet, re-created by many different people. Unfortunately the wonderful lesson about happiness, and it's relationship to how you deal with life, is only found at the end of the video. Please watch the video to the very end, and make a special effort to understand the message that the author is trying to convey! I know from personal experience that the concept presented in this video is absolutely true! Expanding on this concept; if you allow toxic people and situations to fill your life, you will not have room for the things in life that are really important, such as good friends and Family! Be careful not to fill your “Jar of Life” with meaningless and toxic things!

Please view “The Jar of life!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_N_uvq41Pg

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